Which Type of Professor Do You Have This Semester?

THE ARTSY PROFESSOR

This guy most likely has long hair that he puts in a ponytail. I mean, what is the point of having a guy mane if you are going to wear it in a ponytail every single fucking day? And don’t forget the occasional fedora. He’s cool, calm and collected and never follows the syllabus. We like this professor because he cancels class often but we get annoyed when he pulls us aside to suggest another “good read” by Edgar Allen Poe.

THE GRAD STUDENT

Let’s be honest, we ALL hate the grad student professor. This person is so unnecessarily strict, I guess because they are trying to “prove” themselves? Whatever, we hate them because they assign busy work that they ACTUALLY grade. He or she is also a know-it-all, another quality no one notices and jumps for joy. No one gives a shit about all your accomplishments, you nerd.

THE OLD FUCK

Just because the title is “Old Fuck” doesn’t mean we do not like this type of professor; we actually do like him/her. Because they are so fucking old they forget about assignments, get off topic and give out study guides and tests that haven’t been changed in 4+ years so you usually know someone who has had the class before. Get ready to boost your GPA up with this one.

THE “SO FUCKING BORING YOU’D RATHER LICK YOUR DORMS BATHROOM TOILET THEN ATTEND THIS CLASS” PROFESSOR:

This professor’s voice is so monotone that you can’t even bear to listen through a whole sentence. The bad thing is, you actually need to pay attention in this class but it is utterly impossible. The only thing you can pay attention to is their outfit, which consists of rags in earthly colors. The mid-life crisis shows on this professor and quite frankly, we don’t appreciate it. It’s making us hate our major more than we already do! You will either end up dropping this class or making a D.

THE OVERLY-ENTHUSIASTIC PROFESSOR:

This professor is WAY too excited about class. Trust me, there is no way that micro-economics is that interesting and cool. They wear bright colors and make-up, most likely young. They are big on participation and feedback but I’m fucking sorry, do not ask me to talk if it’s 9AM or earlier. Pop quizzes and an attendance policy are a must for this teacher so you better hobble your hung over ass across campus so he/she can see your “bright shining face!”

THE FOREIGN PROFESSOR

Here we go, the foreign professor. We all have one sometime in our college career, and hopefully only once because no one understands the material in the first place so not understanding a damn word your professor says only makes it ten times worse. This class consists of your fellow students giggling, yelling “what?!” and the occasional “what the fuck did he just say?” whisper under their breath. You don’t drop this class because they probably curve considering no one makes over a 70 on a test.