The Ultimate Party Foul

As college students, we all embrace an unwritten code of party conduct. I mean, sure, we’ve probably all snuck some alcohol from someone else’s bottle without permission or spent too long making out in the bathroom while others are waiting, but overall there are just some things you don’t do.  I like to consider them “super party fouls.” And generally, after first semester of freshman year (at the latest), everybody should know what those things are. Or so I thought.

Story time. During my first year living off-campus, I threw a party. And about an hour into that party, I saw a girl go into the bathroom and stay in there for a while. Having already broken the seal, I waited patiently for six uncomfortable minutes until she reemerged. Assuming that she had been throwing up, I considered complimenting her on her still-flawless makeup and casual bathroom exit. I mean, that would have been a beautifully maneuvered puke-and-rally. But I decided that relieving my bladder was more pressing and rushed in.

My puking assumption was wrong. Despite exhausting what was probably more than half of my apple cinnamon air freshener (seriously, I needed a gas mask), I could clearly detect that she had not vomited, but rather relieved her back door!…

Read More