Whelp, it’s that time of year again where finals come to blast college kids all over the world directly in the face. For months you’ve been able to get away with skipping class to nurse your hangovers with weed and Super Mario Kart on N64, but now it’s time to show the world, a.k.a. your parents and teachers, that you are the master of your domain, and that despite your obvious lack of effort, school aint nothin but a baby back bitch. Obviously this is easier said than done, but from my experience, the students with the brightest futures are the ones who can stare their blatant procrastination in the face, step-up to the plate and find a way to pass their classes, even if it means cheating their balls off.
Now I understand that cheating is looked down upon in our society, but I believe that is the wrong point of view for people to have. Cheating is nothing more than a harsh synonym for “finding loopholes,” and finding loopholes is the key for any and all successful entrepreneurs. Bill Gates? Didn’t even go to college, but if he did, you can be damn well sure he would have spent more time figuring out an algorithm to predict the pattern of correct scantron answers then he would have grinding his precious time away attending classes and studying. Did I mention that the average GPA of a Fortune 500 CEO equates to a C+? Successful people are not necessarily the smartest ones, they are the ones who know how to outsmart the system. They game plan while the rats work. And I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be the rat handing out the cheese, than the rat begging for cheese.
While cheating can be a necessary in college due to your EXTREME opportunity cost, it should always be used as a crutch and not a walker. Think of it like a trick play in football. Do it every once in awhile, and you’ll get away with it, but do it all the time, and you’re bound to get caught. Balance is an important part of being successful. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, and all play and no work will make you my friend Rick, who works at a Hobby Lobby in Macon, GA. Learn how to incorporate cheating into your work hard/play hard balance, and you will be able to spend a lot less time doing end of chapter practice problems, and a lot more time playing drunk co-ed intramural softball with that girl/guy you can’t stop daydream f***ing from calculus class. Carpe the diem!
Some call it procrastination, I call it fearlessness. So to those of you reflecting on the past semester and realizing you don’t even know the name of your Biology teacher, suck it up, get yourself together, and realize that no matter how bad the season has been, you can still win this one final game to make up for the past 4 months worth of unproductive exhilaration. Hit up your friend’s Adderall dealer, gather all the student notes you can, sit next to the Asian kid the day of the test, and do whatever you have to do to figure out how to squeak your way out of a failing grade. December is the time when when champions are made, so get out there, take a page out of the Bill Belichick playbook, and cheat/loophole your way to greatness!!!